Reflecting on the end of the 1st semester

 Quotes from the last week of the semester: in a them, me format,

Them “She sat on the floor”

Me: “WHAT! And I missed it” ::stops foot::

Them: “yep”

Me: “dam it”

Them: “Next time, I am going to put Harper in my bag”*

Me: “he’s noisy”

Them: “Its ok”

Me: “What will your roommate think”

Them: “Its going to be a surprise”

Me: “What will she say about the litter box in the kitchen”

Them “ ‘Its for guests’”

Them: “I had waffles with Ice Crème on top for lunch”

Me: “That sounds great, I had a cookie”

 Them: "Thats it"

Me: "Yep"

Favorite moments from the semester:

The Knighting

The toilet Bowl Theory

Reading week picnic

Advent worship

Of the light

As I sit here procrastinating about completing my final papers and I realy wish that I could focus on procrastination because I do it so very well. 

But continuniting on with the advent theme that this week has bought forth, I think to a conversation that I had this week.  A friend of mine and I where discussing many things but it was clear to me that this friend needed to see how much they where loved and needed to see that light that God has bestwed upon each of us within us and around us.

            They call this time of year the season of light, ironic because its dark at 4:45pm now. I am one who does like a good twilight but its hard to see the light when I’m in class or otherwise occupied for most of it. Its also cold now, so even when I could be not otherwise enaged and enjoying the light it involves wearing shoes and my coat.  True fact I do not like to wear shoes.

            So the light is very fleeting, in my basement apartment we have no overhead lights, A fun surprise to walk into in August. My roommate and I for our first week survived with my one touch lamp, the stove hood light, and the bathroom light. It was then that I was perhaps most grateful for the light that nature provides. Now that we have been settled in here for a semester, we have more lights including my roommates wonderful ‘illuminate the world’ lamp.

(c) 2009 Betty L. Ga***n Shelter Island NY

            I am blessed enough to have many sources of physical outside light as well as other persons illumination. For some people they think they might only need one or the other to survive.  But I would like to counter that you need both. As one is something that you can see even with the untrained eye or soul, the other takes some time to see. I do assert however that you can learn to see both types of light in new ways even if you know how to see them presently.

            But back to my friend, I told them it was clear to me that they where reflecting God’s light and love unto the world and they had been bestowed some very powerful gifts that are not given often by humans to one another.  It was my question to them “why is it that if all these other people see the light in you, why is that you can not see it in yourself’.

            I don’t know the answer to this question for anyone other then myself.  Julian of Norwich states in the long text of  “Revelations of Devine Love” that even when someone seemingly in Augustinine terms to have ‘fallen so far’ that they can never return to the light. There remains a flicker of  light of the divine within them, that can be rekindled at anytime and thus lead to return to Devine. Whatever the Devine is to you.  

(c) 2007 Betty L. Ga***n High Falls NY

So dear friends as we march into finals, the end of the year, the winter holidays, the shortest day of the year and then perhaps a short break. We would all do well to continually rekindle the light within is to let the warmth of it fill every cell of our being. To see ourselves as creatures of the light, ones that are beloved even when we are not in the light, ones that are beloved.

Sitting

            In my BSW work one of the most important things I was taught, learned and put into practice was to sit with some in there ‘sadness’. This is truly just sitting with someone in the quiet silence, with someone and there pain, grief or sadness. Yes there is a difference between the two.  Its always a fine line between when is silence just that or when it is meditative silence.  I find that the meditative silence is incredibly beneficial and when employed correctly is very powerful. 

            But one thing that I was never expressly instructed to do was to be with someone in there joy.  A few weeks ago we had a beautiful chapel service done by Spectrum, the GLBTQA organization for the theo school. It was very moving and clearly the Sprit was moving about quite freely.  As I was receiving communion from the preacher I could see a single tear on there cheek and I could see that they where clearly emotional. I asked if I could hug them and they said I could.  As I pressed my cheek upon there’s I felt part of her tear on my cheek.  Now I’m not sure if what she was feeling joy, but I do think that she was feeling some degree of acceptance.

            Again with Advent, we are supposed wait to anticipate. Do we do this?  Sometimes maybe for that hour or so, that we are in church each week. But are we often just ‘sitting’ feeling the range of emotions that the advent and Christmas seasons bring. We think in our hyper commercialized America that we this is the season of gifts and buying and indulgence. But do we stop to consider that for many people this season frankly sucks.  With so many losses that are faced during the year and with this economy more and more all the time, do we stop to sit with someone in this type of advent pain.  

But where is the joy you ask. I think the joy comes with knowing that someone wants to be with you to tell you its ok to feel what you are feeling.  Lets sit together and wait for better things to come. For surely we are all beloved and not everything is going to be bad forever.

There is too much light! Or Anticipating the Coming Light

 

           Each week at my home church I act as the projectionist. Our worship space is a hall so we have lots of light and windows.  This is great normally but this Sunday in particular our projector was struggling against the light. Why you ask? Because there was so darn much of it.  We do not have a screen like most places who project things, for a variety of reasons so we show on the wall. 

            This Sunday was very sunny and well it was a fun game trying to figure out where the light was coming from.  For me in this once instance there was too much light. Often though there is never enough light, we are always searching for something to light our way. 

            This made me think about the flowers and other flora that keep sending out roots for water and leaves and vines for light.  It still amazes me that even in areas that look completely dead they are anything but.  How often do we look upon others that we see as empty, dark, dead, with out light.  I know that I am personally guilty of this more often then I would like to admit. In spite of this I do try to seek the light in each person.  Is there ever enough light?  In this time of advent, with the clocks set back we settle in to darkness at about 5 o’clock where I live both places of the week.  It seems dark and it gets darker each day more and more.

 But we are headed to the light, both in reality and metaphorically. December 22 is the solstice and this year even though it is only one minute of darkness longer then the day before. It is still the darkest.  That’s the great thing about waiting in advent, anticipating, preparing. With the risk of sounding totally corny, at the end there is a light.  A light that is open to anyone should they desire to seek

Shelter Island, NY Summer 2008 (c) Betty L. Gan***n

 **Yes this is indeed a sunset, but it is one of my favorite pictures of light capturing**

Pearls of Wisdom from P professor

In the past week I have had the procrastination syndrome baaad. So I decided to illuminate(haha illuminated manuscripts!) some of the pearls of wisdom that P professor has droped on us. 

Thank you to fellow Blogger and Classmate AmenAbility for her saving and compiling the best quotes of the semester thus far....

(c) Betty L. Gan***n 2010

"This Jesus is like the Macys day parade Jesus. Just hanging there like a baloon'

(c) Betty L. Gan***n 2010

"Romans like to bathe like Americans like to go to Wal*Mart"

The power of a name

         The power of a name is seen in the Bible in several places but my two favorites are the Covenant God makes with Abram and Sari and the conversion of Saul.  By making new covenants with them God gives them new identities, new beings and new names into Abraham Sara and Paul.  The names we have and the titles we gain there is much that goes into a name.

            In one of my favorite movies Spirited Away directed by Hayao Miyazaki, the main character Chihiro is warned to not tell anyone her name. By telling your name you give your being away. Somehow she is tricked into giving her name to the prevaor of the bath-house and she forgets who she is and becomes Sen. With the help of a friend she is able to regain her name and begin to reclaim her life and the life’s of those around her. This is also a story of growing up and growing into your given name and titles.

            Last week I was conducting worship at the hospital and from my perspective it was not a great success but that for this story is beside the point.  As I was waiting for the director of pastoral care one of the patients came and told me thanks. But what made this different then in other times was that he called me pastor. 

            I still don’t fully think of my self as seminarian yet even though I have been doing this seminary thing for almost a complete semester. Even when someone asked me this, during a conference this week it took me a moment to say yes. Let alone a pastor. I do think of myself as other things, a social worker(even though no one has ever called me this, I don’t think that this has the same address as pastor though…), aunt, Christian. These are things I will fully proclaim that I am, but pastor? 

            The gentleman who was saying this was saying it out of respect and I like to think love. But also because he might have forgotten my name, which I take no offence to as I am only there once a month. But this got me to thinking will I want people to call me pastor Betty?  I don’t like it when people call me Ms. Betty, except when you are in grade 5 or below.  I also understand that for some cultures to call a religious official by there first name alone might be a serious no-go.  But what I think most of all that I would be desired to be called would be something like, Betty no better or no less servant of God. But even that in and of itself is a title so I think I’ll just stick with Betty.

            By knowing a name of someone you instantly empower them. You give them a quiet dignity that for some populations has been lost and is so hard to regain. To know someone’s name is to begin to know who he or she are and what they are. Their friends is the power of a name.

Stuff No One Told Me ( but I learned anyway ): 51

Stuff No One Told Me ( but I learned anyway ): 51

Things are just things. There are much more important items to comprehend.

Yes(if only for you)

In my home church there is an older gentleman who I have known for my entire life and has known my mother for her entire life. My mom also looks out for him in more ways then one to keep it simple. Recently however he lost his wife of 60 plus years. He is slipping in to a dementia more and more each day and frequently calls to ask where his (insert something that we have no clue what he is asking about), or to ask on Sunday morning at 10am where he should be (at church).

Last year when I started doing the service on power point and projecting his heart leapt for joy and I am quite sure it physically did. He was so giddy and exclaimed to me that he felt like he was a kid again signing in the choir. He could see the lyrics and the prayers and got to actually be a participant in worship and not an observer. I figured at that point if I made him happy it was all-good.

Last week at the funeral/memorial service, his siblings that have been gosh knows where there. I learned today that he was so excited to tell his siblings about the projector. Something that to me seems to trivial and just ordinary is such a miracle to him. As I was saying goodbye to him after the reception, not knowing what to say other then “I’m sorry for your loss’. He kissed me on the cheek and said ‘your going to be here Sunday right?” “Yep I’ll be there”. Part of me wanted to say ‘if only for you, if only because it means so very much to you’. But I knew that if I could bring such a seemingly simple thing to him, maybe it was brining some joy to others also. To quote from Joan of Arcadia, ‘the ripples where/are good’.

So I encourage you blog readers to act in a ‘yes(if only for you)’ way more frequently then you think necessary. And to keep doing so, the barista that you get your coffee from learn there name it makes a difference (when my customers when I was a photo tech used my name they got superior service), or the person you pass on the way to class smile and say hello, or fill in your blank. You know what it is.

The Argument paper

A creation of a into level seminary class within one context of the theological study. That I am not a fan of. No trust me I love a good argument when I care and really truly care about the argument but I’m sorry you are in the words of our fearless leader in this pursuit “Soo dead”. The text in question here is “On The Apparel of Women”( http://www.newadvent.org/fathers/0402.htm)

I reject your views of women and what they should wear heck I’m going to go to class in my slippers. Oh wait I have already done that, but I do take your advice about not worrying to much about my appearance. I take that time now to sleep. So is that a better use of my needing salvation as being a daughter of Eve that I need to work harder to get.

Oh Tertullian you are sooo dead and what you say is soo very wrong to me, and I reject your reality and substitute my own(Thanks Mythbusters!) So alas the argument paper, I fear I do not make a good argument about the argument paper.

The amazement of breath and other thoughts from the week

“The very first word you say is God, and the very last you will say is God. And you keep saying God all the time, you are doing it right now”

This week at school as been a series of lectures with the ‘headliner’ being Richard Rohr . Wow is what he has to say amazing. I attended his Tuesday night lecture and his sermon/message today in chapel.

Tidbits from Tuesday night (and yes I was a dork and took notes)
-Those who can not understand the first bible (creation) will never understand the second bible
-Ego hates change
-Dualistic thinking is good except for the ‘big things’ love, death, suffering, God and Eternity
-When a tragedy strikes people who think dualistically are not equipped to understand it.
-There are so many access points to the divine
-Jesus came before conscious was ready for him
-DNA is divine
-We are programmed in such a way that nothing else gets in unless it fits with our programmed views
-Loving is giving up control
-If the Ego says “no” the should says “yes”
-

Then he gave an amazing message today about the entomology of the Hebrew word for God. And how when it is pronounced correctly (and its not often pronounced in Hebrew) its like a breath. I can not wait until it is posted on facebook for me to watch again, and share with you.

In search of Internet

So I’ll admit it I’m adicted to my computer and the Internet. Being part of the last generation to remember life before it I know that it is a marvelous invention and just plain amazing. So to my chigin today when I arrived home from the flea market the power was out, and my computer was on 35% battery. Ok not usually a huge deal but I’m preaching tomorrow morning at 10am. My homily is where you ask, yep that’s right my computer about 85% done. Insert panic here.
So I determine that it is worth the effort to go Barns and Noble and hop on there Wi-fi and steal their power. I arrive there and the one plug in the entire store is already occupied. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! So I pray that I can finish my sermon with the 58 minuets I have left on my battery without Wi-fi turned on. I bang out the rest of it and am satisfied at the time of this writing. But I felt a lot like the episode of South Park from last season where the Internet ran out. Also figures that all of my work that I pretend to do on the weekends is on my computer so no homework for me today! Oh well Sundays another day…

Over Logging
Tags: SOUTH
PARKmore...

Its a holy book, not for killing

The seen: a big Mosquito flying around the living room/kitchen area of the apartment, me at my desk watching SVU and Jestie at her desk working on homework

Mosquito: (buzz buzz buzz) I’m really super annoying and you can’t get rid of me! MWHAHAHA
Me: (look at mosquito and sigh)
Jestie: (intense staring at mosquito)
Mosquito: (BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ) MWHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!
Jestie: (leans forward and lifts head out of book completely. Grabs a copy of the TaNak, lifts it up. Then puts it back down and grabs another seminary book. )
Me: You where not just about to use the TaNak to kill the mosquito right?
Jesite: For a second, but then I knew that it was not a book of murder
Mosquito: (BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ) MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I’M STILL ALIVE AND YOU JUST ALMOST USED A HOLY BOOK TO KILL ME! MWHAHAHAHAHAH
Me: that bug will leave this room tonight

dont know much about much of anything

With my first month of seminary almost over (two more days, two more days!) I was reflecting tonight how seminary has

A. taught me to be a bit of a heretic.
B. I really don't know much about much about much of anything*
C. Romans like to bathe like Americans shop at Walmart
D. I get to pay for pearls of wisdom like the one above
E. apology's in the first few century's CE do not mean 'i'm so sorry'
F. Playing nice with others is still an important life skill
G. The stove will inadvertently just not light but still spew gas everywhere
H. Hebrew is hard, very hard. But it is starting to make sense
I. Social work as a background has and will forever more influence how I practice as a christian professional, be that good bad or indifferent its how its going to be.
J. I'm more content with myself in all aspects of who I am, more then I have been in maybe all of my entire life.



* the one thing I am still sure of is that God Loves me and everyone else and that I am 200% sure I know this to be true.

Disney = Epic Bible Storys

You have got to love a sermon where there is a mention of a Disney film. Today it was Toy Story and how each of us like Woody who has Andy’s name (his owner) on his boot. We have the name of God written not on our boots but on our hearts. She also compared toy story to the epic-ness of a bible story, which is so very true! I also suppose that you can see a lot of bible stories in Disney movies if you care to look for them there.

Woman thou are to loud!

In my class today we where discussing why Paul says that women need to be silent in church. My peer suggested that it was because women who where not siting with the men in there lives (men on one side of the house church men on the other) where yelling to there husbands for whatever reason.

Before she was finished with her thought I immediate thought that Paul was saying this because the women where in the kitchen making to much noise for Pauls liking and he got jealous. Besides at my church being allowed in the kitchen is a big deal.

Oh Paul you are quiet the character, and I sill have mixed feelings about you...

Holy Typo

On Sundays one of my many duty's at church is to prepare the power-point that goes along with the bulletin. I thought I would share with you some of my personal favorite typos

*Praise father son and holy goat{ghost)
*may the spit{spirit} be upon you

Oops...

Adventures in New Jersey: The Grocery store, fly in my dessert, and Jug Handel version

So adventuring in and around Madison and the surrounding areas has lead to some interesting conclusions


-Jug Handles, WTF? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jughandle). I have only had a few encounters with them but what the heck? The first time I went on one I thought that I had made a very illegal turn but no its totally good. I thought that NY had some weird traffic patterns but man Jug handles take the cake.

-I 287- bad on either side. This is a road that has some weird design issues. I got caught in traffic coming down to school this week. And I just about flipped a gasket and wanted to start doing some un-seminarian things

-Northwest NJ, I felt like I was driving into a seen from deliverance. Granted it was rainy and dark and in the fall with a tractor trailer smoking and clearly soon to be on fire.

-A certain chain restaurant: I went out to dinner with a long time friend and it was good. For desert I ordered a fried ice cream and I enjoyed about four bites and a fly dive boomed it. I wish that I could make this up. But what was weird about it, was that I had suddenly lost my appetite (I wonder why…) the hostess kept trying to get me a new one. It was weird and creepy.

-Grocery store- yesterday I went to a local grocery store to get eggs to make corn bread and there was a great sale on pasta. Well I was deciding the type to get, a man asked me if this was the aisle for pizza sauce. I told him that it was, and I could see that he looked like he was in pain. And in my pastoral social work way I just had to engage on it. Anyways nothing like ministry in the grocery store…

And on the 8th day...

Yesterday meeting with my mentor to go over my IRA (Inventory of Religious Activity's) sadley did not go well. It was not for his or my fault but for the fault of tecnology. My results poped up as well gibirish, but computer giberish. But the good news for me at least was that it did not said "Epic FAIL". I can deal with the minor glitches that don't weigh on my consoious as a moral or ethical delemia.

But the cartoon above just made me smile and that is the lesson of the weekend, is to put it out and up. To acknowledge that I will never be able to do it all and what matters more is that what I do is done well, and with Grace and care.

How to Pack as a Theological School Commuter

From Your family home in Westchester NY:

-gather all the clothing you think will need for the week
-do laundry
-put close outside to dry(being eco-friendly and its better for your clothing)
-wait for said clothing to dry
-leave out overnight by accident
-gather the next morning before church, discover it is still damp
-growl at said clothing
-throw clothing into dryer for 20 minuets
-watch some Law and Order SVU, and not read about Genesis
-eventually fold your laundry
-get the $.99 cent bags  from TJ Maxx THAT ARE AMAZING in all aspects of there creation
-put clothing in one, and other linen(sheets, dishtowels, ect) in other
-fight with bag falling off of couch and spilling folded, clean laundry
-repack bag
-determine what else you can not possibly live without during the week
-find textbooks that came home with you over the weekend, that even if you did not read are now all over the place
-get Ikea food bag, and raid the family pantry
-grab as much as possible in one run to your car and load
-sigh as your car looks like you are rum running during prohibition
-go to New Jersey

From your Drew Residence

-wash dishes
-find books that might get read over the weekend, load them into tote, hope you do not fall over
-gather chargers for laptop,cellphone, iPod, ect
-evaluate food stock, plan to raid pantry at home in Westchester
-find all dirty clothing stuff into bag
-clean up desk
-assess garbage situation
-load up as much stuff as possible to put into car in one trip
-almost fall back down the stairs because of the weight of said stuff
-walk to car and avoid the squirrels
-load car and sigh as your car looks like you are rum running during prohibition
-Go to Westchester

Soul Meaning

Today this popped up in my 'daily thoughts' app on iGoogle



When things do not work out as you planned, then smile at Me and say "Have Your Way then". Knowing that My Loving response will be the best for you."

-two listeners


Sometimes the thoughts are not very inspiring to me, but this one struck me. So often I feel that I know the best way about something when in reality I don't know much at all. The past few weeks have been a re-education for me. The realization that I am not an academic seminarian and sometimes have no clue what people are referencing when they talk about certain scripture references. I feel stupid and wonder 'what am I doing here!" I thought that I had bombed out on a certain paper and after doing so with at least one more post for another class I was so surprised and filled with joy and Grace when I got this response back with some positive commentary. I wanted to go run and kiss the professor for her extended thoughts. She raised a good question that I had neglected to think of with regards to my paper. It was a moment that reminded me I don't have the answers, and sometimes I don't want to have the answers. I want to learn the answers so that I can teach others to learn to seek the answers and get the ones that they need.

I also felt for a few days that my background as a social worker might be a hindrance but in reality it sets things up differently for me. I look at things from a position of empowerment. Its great to stand from the pulpit (or behind the desk) and tell people what to do or say or think but does that relay do anything in the long run? To me no its better to get away from the pulpit or the desk and give them the tools to learn and make there own calls and feelings about something be it about scripture or the big questions like 'why am I in pain'. Giving ownership transforms from a surface meaning to a soul meaning, an understanding that will last past the sermon or small group discussion. My style is always going to be different but in the end it will prove to be a strength.

And besides i've never done anything the 'prescribed way' anyways. Why change it now?

Our Women see visions, or need to get more sleep

Last night I had a dream a strange dream that I think only a seminary student would have.

Some guy talking :we should name the church 'the beatitude church!'

Others in group: yeah that sounds great!

Me: but we already have something called the Beatitude society

Others: ::silence::

Me: how about naming it 'the Salt church'. Like salt of the earth, that would get people talking

Either this is a complete sign of needing to get more sleep or, divine inspiration?

What its like to be an itinerant camper

What its like to be an itinerant camper

So I started seminary a few weeks ago. I am attending Drew Theological in Madison NJ and I am already loving it and know it to be a second home for me. Its my first semester in my first year of an M.Div (Masters of Divinity) program hopefully with an MSW in there also. This year for housing I split my time between campus and my home in Westchester County NY. So this has led to some interesting revelations already;

1. you may not have what you need at the place you are at. Case and point over the weekend I desperately needed a stapler. I own two but both where in New Jersy on my desk in my room at school, well I and my papers that need the staple where in New York. So I ended up going out and getting a new one on clearance mind you just so that one can live in NY and the others can live in NJ. Maybe one will live in my car.
2. On the note of my car, just incase it did not appear that I lived in it anyways, it does now. I love my car dearly and it and I have been on my glorious adventures from camp to undergraduate, to field placement, to home visits, to a run in with a tractor trailer. But now it looks like a cross between a closet and a tent. I love that it is good on gas because it’s a good distance between school and home
3. Traveling, I do not mind driving if its during the day, but this now takes up a significant portion of my week. Yea for books on tape!
4. Sometimes my family calls me, to ask me things that I have no clue about like where is the pasta. Family I have not been home in four days I do not know! I love them anyways
5. There are some perks with this situation.
6. 
   

Perks you say, well yes I do! I have an awesome roommate who this week made our cave of a basement room look like home! We now have almost wall to wall carpeting consisting of a rug that someone shared with us and the rest that she bought. And its like Joseph and the coat of dreams, its all kinds of different carpet textures, and colors, and sizes. It’s a good metaphor that we all need to just work it out for the greater good of covering the linoleum. I also have hot water at school and we at home currently do not. This is due to our hot water heater/oil burner/something in the closet next to my bed at home, not working. Its been 25 years since it was new, gosh the craftsmanship*. So I do enjoy some non eco friendly showers well I am here. Darn it I earn them!

Its also fun to come home on the weekends and sort of hit and run with my family and life at home in Westchester. I enjoy seeing Addy my niece on the weekends also because her grouchiness is usually gone and she’s all smiles and play time. Besides Aunty Betty is just awesome** so there is no need for grouchiness. I also because I split my time do not need to find new doctors, car care people (I love my car care people very much BTW), pharmacy, library or mall. Not that in the future I won’t need to but this is cool for now. I also enjoy meal planning now, yes I am a huge dork or nerd I’m not really sure what I am with regards to this. Anyways I sort of have no money so I’m making better food choices, it’s a side perk of a seminary education.

Also with drew being the university in the forest, its all green! Green in both senses of the word. Green because there are so many trees and the campus is a medium size. Drew also especially the theological school is super committed to being green in our actions. So they encourage us to use CFL’s, take shorter shower (opps on that front), and have started the practice of not having mammal based meat products in seminary hall. So I have not yet eaten my ham sandwege in the atrium or anything like that…

But why the title of itinerant camper. Being from the United Methodist tradition clergy move or itinerate through there time in ministry, and well I’m itinerating a lot each week. And the camper part because well I am not in a tent I feel like I am always moving my stuff that gets me through the week from one place or another, maybe it should have been itinerant sherpa. But campers only set up at one place for so long before they move on to different things.

On my first day of orientation a presenter stated a quote by a Christian bishop about ‘only setting your tent up in one place for as long as was ordained by God’. So well I may be not living in a physical tent its important to realize well I am setting roots maybe they are not the roots of mighty oaks but rather wildflowers full of color and joy that spread all over.