Staying in love with God...?

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I have been reflecting a lot recently on the section of “stay in love with God” from Three Simple Rules, a way of Wesleyan Living by Ruben P. Job. I have read it three times, once for me, once for pastoral formation and once again for supervised ministry. The rules are simple, do no harm, do good, and stay in love with God.  Now I have trouble doing all three, and argue quite vehemently about ‘do no harm’ as interpreted to ‘do the least amount of harm possible’ I’m not very popular with my classmates when I argue this point. I digress this is for another post. 

            But staying in love with God has been the hardest for me lately. As those of you following my blog have hopefully figured out, its been a crapy 15 months for me.  But for me the struggle with my mood disorder, and the complete disorder of my relationship with God and my own spirituality and faith has been heavy on my heart.  I say that I am angry at God, but that is the way to place a word to far more complex problems.  It’s a wondering, a wandering, a hopeing, a where the F* are you God!, and Hi God its me Betty, I’m leaving a voice mail…

            So I am trying to do my best to stay in love with God. Acting in a way that reflects the morals and values that I hold dear, trying my best to lift people out of the mess with there help. Trying to teach good, not evil and encouraging others in there own faith journey. But how do I stay in love with God when I wonder where God went. I know that God is, and that God loves me. But I miss the days when I knew God was around me.  It also does not help that I am trying to figure this all out well in Seminary, where God is 90% of the time the focus of academics. Even outside of the class room God is always in the conversation as we whine about our theology, bible, and practical theology classes, asking do we really need to know this random stuff about The Investiture Controversy?*

            So how does one stay in love with God when your not quite sure what that is now, how to let go of what it was, and how to mold it for the future?

                                                                                                               

*Throwback to Church History I, the main thing I remember from this class, in terms of uselessness for the history of the Church… (maybe it will be on Jeopardy some day)

A Year of Thanks 2012

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            A thanks to the friend who ‘caught me’ and made me go get help

            A thanks to the friend who let me cry on her bed

            A thanks to the friend who taught me how to knit

            A thanks to the classmates that helped the Holy Spirit to dwell and open me

            A thanks to the co-workers who taught me

            A thanks to the folks I ministered with, for teaching me, and letting me be part of your life, your secrets, and your hopes

            A thanks to the people in my life who understood

            A thanks for the couple who bought me pancakes on Palm Sunday

            A thanks to the roommate who shared her bunny with me

            A thanks for the courtyard conversations

            A thanks to the folks who I traveled with, who made a dream possible

            A thanks to the teachers who where willing to go to bat for me

            A thanks to the folks who I know that I can sick on others to fight for me

            A thanks to the people I’ve met this year who get where I’m coming from

            A thanks to face book for keeping me intact, and connected

            A thanks for pharmaceuticals

            A thanks to the people who are part of my ‘team’

            A thanks to Barnes and Noble for keeping me stocked

            A thanks for glue, that has allowed me to glue part of my life to paper

            A thanks to Amazon for keeping me stocked on just about everything

            A thanks to the TV show Rev. for helping me to keep things in perspective

            A thanks for the time of darkness to learn how to see differently in the obscure

            A thanks to the time spent on the bus for two weeks

            A thanks to Hope

            A thanks to journaling

            A thanks to art, and music

            A thanks to the inspiration that helped me hit my first home run, and experience my first post sermon high

            A thanks for the detour

            A thanks for the five day time out

            A thanks to the jerks who made me stand up to them, and restored my courage

            A thanks to the internet for information, and comradely,

            A thanks to the worlds best nurse

            A thanks for Sunday night TV watching

            A thanks to community, even when it is complicated

            A thanks to ‘all in this together’

            A thanks to the Turkish public works man who said ‘Panik Yuklu’ to us

            A thanks for the steak knives going to butter knives

            A thanks for tea

            A thanks for my carpet

            A thanks for dreams, not dashed

            A thanks for new dreams to be dreamed

            A thanks for loss, and the grieving and mourning that come with it

            A thanks for new experiences that, challenge, uplift, push down, and push back

            A thanks for my air conditioner

            A thanks for Snapple, and my Snapple dealer

            A thanks for freinds who celebrate with you, and weep with you

            A thanks for the scholarships I get to go to school

            A thanks to all that have taught me this past year, good, bad, indifferent, what I want to do, what I don’t want to do, life lessons of all sorts

            A thanks to those who made me learn something on my own. 

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