Today I
learned some sad news. My camp the one where I lived life fully for the first
time is being sold. So goes my dreams of a wedding there (I had the colors and
the locations planed in my mind, I just needed the SO), the hope that my niece
would get to go to MY camp, that others would get to go an have transformation experiences
under the stars and with the fireflies. But this is not to pass in the way of
life in this moment or in God’s plan. I think of all the memories I have of
this place. How I had my first true telephony, how I found my first boyfriend,
holding someone’s hair out of there face on there 21st birthday at
1:15 in the morning. Canoeing with said boyfriend on the creek and finding a skull,
ending Harry Potter with the 7th book, How sweet the grass smelled
when it was cut, dancing around the fire pit, breaking a window within an hour
of my arrival. Driving my brand new car on its first journey in my hands from
home to camp. I grew up a lot that summer; it was a major life bridge for me.
I will not
lie and tell you I have not shed some tears over this. I was just talking with
my therapist about how much I loved that area because of all of the good that
went with it. The peace, the quiet, the stars, even the crop duster. All of it mattered and still does. Somehow I
thought I would always have the physical place of my camp, but this is not to
pass either. However I have camp in my heart. I have the friends I kept from
there, the learning’s I did that summer, the pictures and the treasured
relationships I had with the kids. Camp was a study in conflict management for
me, intra and interpersonal. I keep them close to my heart all the time. I
think of the e.e. commngs poem “i carry your heart with me”
 |
| A picture from summer 2007, when I was a counselor at Camp |
i
carry your heart with me
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go, my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go, my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i
fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)
