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I have been reflecting a lot recently
on the section of “stay in love with God” from Three Simple Rules, a way of Wesleyan Living by Ruben P. Job. I
have read it three times, once for me, once for pastoral formation and once
again for supervised ministry. The rules are simple, do no harm, do good, and
stay in love with God. Now I have trouble
doing all three, and argue quite vehemently about ‘do no harm’ as interpreted to
‘do the least amount of harm possible’ I’m not very popular with my classmates
when I argue this point. I digress this is for another post.
But staying
in love with God has been the hardest for me lately. As those of you following
my blog have hopefully figured out, its been a crapy 15 months for me. But for me the struggle with my mood
disorder, and the complete disorder of my relationship with God and my own spirituality and faith has been heavy on my heart. I say that I am angry at God, but that is the
way to place a word to far more complex problems. It’s a wondering, a wandering, a hopeing, a
where the F* are you God!, and Hi God its me Betty, I’m leaving a voice mail…
So I am
trying to do my best to stay in love with God. Acting in a way that reflects
the morals and values that I hold dear, trying my best to lift people out of
the mess with there help. Trying to teach good, not evil and encouraging others
in there own faith journey. But how do I stay in love with God when I wonder
where God went. I know that God is, and that God loves me. But I miss the days
when I knew God was around me. It also
does not help that I am trying to figure this all out well in Seminary, where
God is 90% of the time the focus of academics. Even outside of the class room
God is always in the conversation as we whine about our theology, bible, and
practical theology classes, asking do we really need to know this random stuff
about The Investiture Controversy?*
So how does
one stay in love with God when your not quite sure what that is now, how to let
go of what it was, and how to mold it for the future?
*Throwback to Church History I, the main thing I remember
from this class, in terms of uselessness for the history of the Church… (maybe
it will be on Jeopardy some day)
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